Jacq's First Kiss

It was incredible.
Amazing.
My mouth is still tingling.
My lips are darker, brighter.

We were lying on my bed, sharing a midnight to early morning heart-to-heart. I was feeling old and silly, reminiscing and regretting that it was just a bit more than a month till I turned 20, and that in all my time on earth, I hadn't shared a kiss with anyone.

Truth be told, Gillian had been a little different all night. She seemed filled with purpose, freedom. She was insistent that I name all the different people I might kiss. Those I found attractive, those I had fallen for in the past, those I thought might just let me kiss them.

But even with my Sherlock Seeming Powers of Deduction, when she asked me the question that would change my life forever, I was stunned into silence.

"Do you want to kiss?"

I couldn't answer her then, my mind was racing. And the most prominent question jumping to the fore of my thoughts was "Am I setting myself up to be hurt by a straight girl?"

Three hours later, the sun was starting to come up. So I asked Gill to come with me, sit by me at the swimming pool, and watch the sun rise.

As we sat there, cross-legged and facing each other, she smiled tentatively, looked at me with those amazing eyes, and said, "So are you going to kiss me yet?"

And I did.

Dawn, a pool, and a kiss.

It was the stuff of stories and fantasies. The type of romance I always wished would happen to me. It was blissful.

My first kiss, and it was completely awkward at first. I had no idea where to place my lips, and when I fumbled, she laughed and chided me with "What kind of kiss is this?"

I was completely embarrassed, but she saved me by taking the lead. She took my lips, my soul, my heart, as she passionately claimed my lips as hers. In that moment, I was hers.

I just made out with Gillian.

The woman I'm supposed to be over.

Now what am I going to do? What am I going to think?

Do I take this as... it?

-Jacqueline