The End. And A New Beginning.
After days of crazy talk, some accusations flung back and forth, all my hurt feelings come to light, many emotions being stabbed and pushed, rules being shouted about, beliefs being contested, and seeing her cry for the first time, it's finally come to an end.
I'm never going to be with her, how I want to be with her.
But, as I stormed out that Tuesday night, I started off fuming. And then I sat on the steps, the 12th floor steps, and started to think. I wanted to stay out all night. I didn't want to go back, and see her, face her. I wanted to sleep on the stairs, the street, it didn't matter. I wanted to run, I wanted to sit, I wanted to be miserable. I was miserable.
A kiss, is so intimate. I have never felt as close to anyone as when I kissed her. I felt, together. For the first time in my life. My heart... soared.
But she took it all away. I don't blame her. Not really. It's just who she is. I blame myself, for not realising sooner, the heart-ache I would be returning to. I blame myself because I should have been smarter than to take her up on her offer of - "Do You Want To Kiss?"
I swear those fateful words will stay with me for the rest of my life. It was my first kiss. And that was the prelude.
The End though, came after that. And some angry things were said, and I made her cry.
Back to the story, I sat on those steps, closing my eyes, huddling against the wall, hiding from the cold wind. And I started thinking, "Can I really lose her, completely?"
So what if I never kiss her? Really? All I want is someone to hug to sleep, someone who I can hug tightly to myself, someone whose hand I can hold, someone who will always be there for me, someone who loves me.
And if kissing doesn't enter the equation, then I can just hold her tighter.
Yeah.
So that's what I did.
I came back up in a rush, burst into the room, and told her that she is what is most important. She is more important than my petty feelings, and I want to date her regardless. We never need to kiss. As long as we can go on mad adventures and romantic escapades, and I can buy her flowers, and sing corny out of tune songs to her, and I can watch her smille, and hug her whenever I want, it's enough.
And she said she was happy.
I guess this is the new beginning. We seem to be pretty happy now. Just minding our own businesses, and each others.
The end of what I used to feel. And a new beginning.
-Jacqueline
I'm never going to be with her, how I want to be with her.
But, as I stormed out that Tuesday night, I started off fuming. And then I sat on the steps, the 12th floor steps, and started to think. I wanted to stay out all night. I didn't want to go back, and see her, face her. I wanted to sleep on the stairs, the street, it didn't matter. I wanted to run, I wanted to sit, I wanted to be miserable. I was miserable.
A kiss, is so intimate. I have never felt as close to anyone as when I kissed her. I felt, together. For the first time in my life. My heart... soared.
But she took it all away. I don't blame her. Not really. It's just who she is. I blame myself, for not realising sooner, the heart-ache I would be returning to. I blame myself because I should have been smarter than to take her up on her offer of - "Do You Want To Kiss?"
I swear those fateful words will stay with me for the rest of my life. It was my first kiss. And that was the prelude.
The End though, came after that. And some angry things were said, and I made her cry.
Back to the story, I sat on those steps, closing my eyes, huddling against the wall, hiding from the cold wind. And I started thinking, "Can I really lose her, completely?"
So what if I never kiss her? Really? All I want is someone to hug to sleep, someone who I can hug tightly to myself, someone whose hand I can hold, someone who will always be there for me, someone who loves me.
And if kissing doesn't enter the equation, then I can just hold her tighter.
Yeah.
So that's what I did.
I came back up in a rush, burst into the room, and told her that she is what is most important. She is more important than my petty feelings, and I want to date her regardless. We never need to kiss. As long as we can go on mad adventures and romantic escapades, and I can buy her flowers, and sing corny out of tune songs to her, and I can watch her smille, and hug her whenever I want, it's enough.
And she said she was happy.
I guess this is the new beginning. We seem to be pretty happy now. Just minding our own businesses, and each others.
The end of what I used to feel. And a new beginning.
-Jacqueline
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